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Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Well haha... till now i am still in that laughing mood.. i am hysterical haha...
Anyway well, school starts back to school... today was not bad... only need to be in school at 7am which is so much later... haha..finally.. the councillors are thinking for the councillors haha... then back to class... alright as boring as usual... then comes general paper haha... this is one lesson i got real shock.. haha.. my tutor just let out something, she just told the class.. well the top for your class for paper 2 is arthur... i was like huh you sure haha... then she says.. but the one who underperform for the essay part also him... haha.. but i checked it out with her, i passed my general paper as a whole... my compre is an A2 but for essay i passed but not high.. she told me well for my essay not that i fail.. just that could do as well as my compre... but i know why my essay is a disaster haha... like i once mentioned... in my essay my tone was rather sarcastic and its true haha.. my tutor was saying that first i engage the reader into an interview which is not expected of me... then my tone is very harsh... and she said my language was also very good but that add on to the trouble in this case... the words i use are good but made the essay harsher.. haha... she told me... she will sit down with me and fine tune it and it should be alrite.. haha Praise God... first common test for GP only what a booster haha but i shall not be complacent must go higher...
Then after school.. Mmm... i met kor... and naturally his princess haha... i should be going to jess to submit something.. but i cant resist haha.. i flew over to kor side first jess.. aiya later hahaa... Oops growing naughtier huh hahaha... then i thought kor carried his bag tightly.. then i gave a pull... oOps the whole bag dropped off.. i was like OOOPPPPPs.. haha... then nvm i carry his bag then hahaha... how much i miss him though i mean we didnt mean for like days only.. but then... well not like the first time i am like this haha... i am very excited to see my brother u see haha... i didnt have much time with him, so every little time i get to have.. naturally i would treasure it like dont know what haha... i really hope i get to spend more time with him haha but not at the expense of his princess ... thus usually when they are together i just pop by talk talk abit then disappear them them continue enjoying.. i can understand the feeling of being with the one u like... yup yup... me Mmmmmm... we'll find a time.. yup... i am sure we will... soon i think say in a couple of months more he will be going for NS... awwww i am going to miss him a whole lot... somethings are very hard to say... but as far as i am concern i really hope prince silvest can be with his princess forever yup... i mean one great guy and one great gal hahaha naturally isnt that compatible??? haha but well.. we'll see how things go... Time will tell the tale...
But recently yes, can see that actually something is bothering kor.. his blog is just a confirmation.. somehow, though i am not with him, but i can just literally sense that theres something.. but too bad i am not xavier i really dont know what.. and he always tell me the word nothing... its fine... maybe sae 14 yrs back i may believe... please i am also one with the spirit yea.. well.. i guess i shall just respect him for his choice... i believe he has his own reason for telling or not... but certainly i will still continue to just pray for him...
Today Mavis also suddenly ask me why i flirt with kor's princess ... kor is very jealous and stuff... of course i know he wont if he will, then i can only say the trust isnt that yup... then i say nah.. then she told me dont believe go ask lah.. then i say fine... then i go ask... yup.. he isnt at all.. haha... thats what i call brother you know... it really show that i have not trust him wrongly.. and also i have not love him in vain... anyway haha... i really wont go for siyi also haha... i have my own hope yup... though the hope is not really a hope but sigh... at least i get to fall for someone so deeply...
alrite haha this pesky brother here going to bed already.. haha.. kor say you really want to vent you anger or displeasement or whatever and dont wish to put it in your blog... carry on and blog here then.. no one really will go reading it all the time haha... except for me haha.. and haha the blackout was fun hehe.. hahaha... my hysterical laugh came from that hahahaha.....
Remembering On|6/30/2004 12:20:00 AM|
Interesting
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
OF course i wont mind.. Blog anything, anytime you want k???
Remembering On|6/29/2004 05:40:00 PM|
Of course dont mind...
Monday, June 28, 2004
Hope you dun mind me blogging here eh
Cos i'm really not in that mood to blog on mine
Probably due to all the screwed up shits
I'm unhappy
No mood to study
No mood for anything
THanks for letting me to blog here
Leave me alone for the moment
Remembering On|6/28/2004 07:48:00 PM|
Silvest's Post
Sunday, June 27, 2004
Mmmm actually today... again another rountine day except for the part in church... yup! haha cant believe it.. hannah invited me to join their choir for youth sunday.. and i actually say alrite haha... bonkers i am i think haha...
Then sigh..boring... assignments but at least i finished them.. at least all cept chinese... haha..
Then went to collect the photographs... Oops its actually rather blur... but still alrite i guess... seen every pic but no pic touches me more that the pics i took with kor, me him and his gf, and he and his gf alone.. haha its so sweet so nice.. haha seen it then my heart melted... its so warm and cosy...
Then... Mmm for all the warmness... i went online to check out my kor's blog as i always do everyday... though its not blogged everydae.. but well.. i will still go checking out expectantly everyday... well for the content... i shant really mention about it.. but saw the blog Mmm... i just felt upset... and the first thing i do, even before i finish reading is i pick up my phone and dial his home... then just nice i call and read at the same time... thank God that i am able to multi task... then ask him how is he blah blah... and as per norm he told me ok, nth, alrite... thats what he usually does... i just wait for a while... i dont want to force him to say anything.. if he wants.. i am all here with my ears... to me, i felt no point forcing.. even if he says when i forced him... so what.. it wont lighten him.. but when its truly from his heart.. when he truly want to say.. i will just give him my ears... only then he will be relieve.... and thats really all that i want to see.. i want to see him smiling and happy.. he usually chuck the problems aside and smile on.. yes.. its good as it keeps him smiling.. but i mean everyone who knows me knows that i would face it no matter what... cause yes i can chuck it aside.. but if the problem is not solve it will appear again someday.. so i usually like digging roots...
Sigh... but hear my bro's voice.. its pretty obvious he is not feeling alrite.. but i respect him for what he decides... in fact i respect him alot... surely in whatever he choose i will support him... i really hope to see my bro cheer up once again... i wish to see his heart smiling again..
Remembering On|6/27/2004 10:09:00 PM|
Sigh...
Saturday, June 26, 2004
Well.. today's going to be a short one... nothing much happened today... well i watched movies, do my assignments... like any other days.. boring....
well, i should say it didnt start off really that well.. i mean.. alright i woke up... had my coffee... took out my work... then... Mmm thought of my bro... then i smsed him... alright he isnt that enthusiastic about it... he had just woke up, and was rather grumpy... but i mean alright at least he warn me beforehand.. so alright leave him alone.. after all i think yup, i might be getting pesky i guess... a pesky brother huh... haha guess thats the character of a younger brother... yup so i just stay silent and really silence was what i said the whole morning...
Then afternoon came.. watch harry potter... alright the effects are cool.. but in terms of story line... erm i am quite disappointed.. i mean the scenes just flash by... they gone too fast... even at the last part about saving the innocent... man its like how many seconds??? but one thing that is really good is the way the script is written... they have film it in a way that it concurrents... i mean the scene where they combine the rescuing part and the part where they are at hagrid house.. the stones just flew in and its like from no where... but it is reveal at the end that its actually because of the time turner... that part is cool... caught me by surprise... that the effects i must say is manificient... great... but i think alfroso had filmed albus to be too talkative.. albus shld be filled with wisdom... and his jokes are quite mature... but in the movie.. oh my... oh my... the albus is like some sort of idiot... talk so much... and crack joke like not cracking... too pretentious already...this new actor really dont how to be albus...
Then back to work... aright completed my essay outlines.. but still got one more essay but i dont know how to write... dont know how to submit my assignments but well.. lets see how...
Mmmmmm actually i still miss my brother... but dont know shld msg him a not... maybe he still in that grumpy mood.. i dont know.. but mmmm have i been pesky???? that i dont know... just guess so...
Remembering On|6/26/2004 11:00:00 PM|
Pesky little child ???
ALrite... i woke up just to find myself doing work.. like i always do hahaha... but i guess nowadays i am quite so much more slacker than last time... its the last week of holidays and so much more things i wish to do yet i didnt get to do.. i still have so many tutorials i have to finish first... Sigh... all the movies... all the outings... i can say continue dreaming till theres no council work... no more school work... how i wish i could just go out with my friends or just spend solid time with my kor but sigh... but nevermind... i will survive haha.. and thank God for such an understanding brother... hehe...
well i think the highlight for the day is actually the bbq... its organised by the welfare committee and alrite haha well done... in terms of the food... its far better than... haha and theres games dance... good... but then there comes truth or dare... Mmm at first, alrite.. then... WAH LAO!!!! LEOW ACTUALLY ASKED CHEAN XIU BROTHER TO KISS DAWN!!! WHAT THE SHIT!!! i tell u at that time i really felt like scolding leow f*** y** ... which many of you know i dun... but i control... fine... its really... damn it... but the comforting thing is that for the whole night... i didnt even once got hit by it so i dont need to dare or truth... yup...
But one thing i also realise.. actually i am very attach to my kor... haha.. at least on my side here yes... the first thing i do when it happen... i sms my kor... well ahha its not only once but actually many times... i think all times.. haha i somehow never cease to confide in him... guess i am very comfortable with him... and of course i am felt very secure with him... naturally.. i trust him a lot and haha love him a lot too... but i think sometimes guess i got to tone down a little, otherwise i think soon he will be freaked out... haha... but he will be my brother forever... whatever it may be... haha in fact ya.. he teased me abit just now.. but i wasnt angry haha.. it cheered me up a little.. at least when i read the msg.. i smiled... then lift up my head see them angry again haha...but one thing really put me in so called dilemma... now.. if its my kor who kiss dawn... Mmmmmm... to say jealous.. yes, a little... but to be angry like what i felt just now.. i really dont think i will... i mean, i love this brother a lot.. and its so much that, i dont just so easily got angry or jealous... i cant bear to say suddenly angry with him, or just blast at him.. i see him only.. alrite soft already... sometimes.. when he and his gf together... i felt like as if i am their child like that hehe... i am usually the kiddy one... hahaha... its also partially cause.. somehow many would know... i dont really show the kid side of me to everyone... at least not that often... in front of others.. tend not to feel so comfortable being that youthful childish me... but when with my dear kor.. somehow i just become young and kiddy haha... its like a young kid feeling safe in the protection of his big brother... yup.. thats how i feel.. thats y i usually just portray the true self to silvest, the kiddy... the naive... younger brother... haha... when i truly love.. i seriously love all the way... and i really love my brother so... but soon in say 1 yr time he would be in ns... aww i am going to miss him a whole lot...but patriotic huh haha... if i dont defend for the country who will... haha.. thats one thing i will never consider seriously... if can just put me in medic haha or may be police officer then 2 years later pass out hehe... and oops i think i have passed the "..." virus to kor now he is also going ... haha... but well hahaha... actually after getting to know siyi better.. haha one nice girl she is really.. fun... interesting yes i agree... haha and actually she is a beauty... i mean how u define beauty... beauty is in the eye of the beholder hehehe... for her.. she is elegant and class yup.. thats her beauty... haha as for dawn... well... cute and sweet hehe... yes i do like classy things... esp those more u know britain's crest, those more monarchial type.. haha find them style.. and cool.. filled with authority, power and impt the kind of heritage and culture and history behind wow nice haha... but then... i dont go for older girls haha... and i will never snatch my bro's girl yup! haha...
And yes Dawn.. Hmmm... lets just say let nature take course... moreover she doesnt like me sigh so sad... always me liking.. its always one sided...but i think i am starting to get use to that... it dont really seem to bother me so much already...
All in all, with at least some good friends like dawn, chean xiu, yi hao, etc and such a great brother haha... i must say my life is not wasted ... yup yup!!
Remembering On|6/26/2004 12:19:00 AM|
The Sun Rises and a whole new era begins...
Thursday, June 24, 2004
23rd June 2004
Hahaha... Mmm t didnt started off quite well.. with 2 lectures in hand... at first there supposed to be break but who knows... the tutors drag and drag then in the end, no break and 2 hardcore subjects are crammed together... tiring hahah... biology + chemistry... if not to for they are my 2 favorite subject i think i am more or less like the others.. vertical in... but half horizontal out.. haha.. horizontal limits... Oooooooo...
Then in the afternoon... well.. i return to the new council room, well Dawn said... haha the environment is very conducive... i was like huh... oh pls, if its so conducive why am i outside the room doing my work.. hahaha but no wonder its conducive.. this dear girl wants to sleep also ahhaa... no wonder she says its conducive...
then we had a long meeting... i am there going, pls hurry up hurry up... i mean... i cant wait to end it and fly to kor's place.. missed him a lot and didnt see him for ages... haha... but they still drag and drag...then alrite, wait for yi hao for a while... and the a while is like an hour to 2... a while... haha... but we end up there anyway... then oh gosh... i agree with kor and gang... the food is like Mmmmm....and did i mentioned??? its 7 bucks... 3-5 more i can have my fill at seoul garden... but i guess for me is alright.. i mean at the end i wasnt there to eat.. i was there to get together with my seniors... and also find kor hahaha.... and i did so actually very fulfilling... so great! hahha... many juicy things so called happened hahaha... but in the end everything was clear haha... and i had a great time chit chatting with my sis-in-law haha... nice young girl she is.. she told me dont praise her cause her head will become big ahah... i think its part of the family trend hahaa.... so its arite... actually when i saw kor.. actually i am very tempted to hug him... but haha... counting on his cool nature and his friends were all around... i better not... hahaha..
well... kor smsed me telling me sorry for calling me to shut up... haha actually, if he never say, i also didnt remember that he did... small things like that i also angry then what type bro am i rite... haha... i mean he was busy with his friend though... haha...but good for him... everything is clear and he is once again enjoying his honeymoon haha.. me sigh.. still the same... but i guess... haha sometimes... let things cool... i also cant do anything.. imagine her close friend coming to me... and " you understand???" of cause i do... another word forget about it rite... but i am quite alrite with it... having so many 'great' friends round me... i have grown immune to such comments... i am now very happy that kor is back with his dear haha... its good that they had a chance to clear things up... haha... fine young girl she really is haha... kor treasure her well hahaa... and i know he will... its really true... kor has a very cool outside.. but inside he is very warm and nice really ahha... its just a matter of expressing... haha... hahaha to be more mushy... i guess i am just deeply in love with my brother hehehe.. but he knows what i mean...
but i was quite shocked when my sis-in-law actually know that i like dawn hehe never thought she knows haaha... i thought kor told her, but no haha she is smart enough to know it hehe... alrite... another tale for another day...
Remembering On|6/24/2004 09:15:00 AM|
Hahahaha i also dont know what title to put...
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Well well... haha what do you know.. the Dark Age is ending soon.. hahha.. the once cheerful Prince is coming back... though yes, the prince still has somethings bothering him... but he's slowly coming to light... yeah...
Mmmm well for princess Dawn... what can i say... sad truth of life.. yet like what kor said.. its a truth... i cant do anything to change it... then why be upset by it... though i must say to forget someone is difficult... but lets just say let time tell the tale... but serious, through this i think its still considered a blessing why, cause through this whole saga, i got to get closer to my kor, yihao, wende and also siying haha least expected but yes... on the whole its quite blessing... haha...
But then, especially for this short period of one week... i had been so busy that i didnt get to talk to my dear kor much... i think on my part.. the very most i can say is, "Kor, i love you always, Goodnite!" thats the most i get to say.. serious... its either i am busy working if not, i am too tired to sms... but i guess, kor is also busy having his honeymoon that he also didnt sms me... well, i miss him a lot.. wonder how is he... miss his smiley face.... haha... i can wait for tomorrow to come, i finally get to see him... haha... seriously, even right now, i just felt like hugging him the moment i see him haha... but Mmmm i hope the cold war between he and his dear would end soon.... i know he miss her... Mmmm haha... actually he very sweet guy, just not on the outside...
Mmmm this is one thing i have never say before... there's levels in terms of the relationship with me... and each level is given a different name... for people whom i just met, or dun really know, they are my acquaintance... those who are much closer to me, well my friends.. even closer, my pals... and the closest, my sibling... i know its very bad to rank a relationship...but seriously, like if someone is only my friend... i really cant open my mouth to call them brother or sister... even in church, serious... and also very few really go so far till i call them bro and sis... for sis yes, i have quite a few.. but somehow, the relationship is somewhat fading... yet for brothers, the 2 still stand strong, and deeper... yup... but then somehow, sigh... i dont know which part of their world am i in... sometimes i really wish i can just fly in and see where i stand in their world...
Mmmmm... my days have been rather routine... for this week alone i think i spent most of m time, packing up my things, and doing my tutorials preparing for the start of term 3.. i am still very unprepared... but somehow i will make it through... for the past few weeks... i have so much council work, at times i really dont know what i am working for... seriously many people also dont know... but one thing for sure, now i am back, yes council work, but i rather do my sch work first.. my expectations are high and i wont let council jeopardise my work though... yup... that seat in university, i will make sure its mine...
On the whole, i must say, i am really back now.. fixing up some stuff and ready to continue the expedition...
Remembering On|6/22/2004 06:46:00 PM|
The Kingdom has revived....
19 June 2004
Yup from that title i think some would have understand what i meant... indeed the empire is going through a period of Dark Age... many things havent been going very smooth for me... low self esteem... jealousy... anger... agony... irony... contradiction... pain... depression... i really must say... by hearing this.. the empire seem to be falling anytime... but no.. i will not let it falls... as long as i have my breath.. it will not fall... as long as God lives... the empire will go on... yet it takes time for the prince to re orientate himself...
Well, indeed what can really actually bother the prince to such extreme??? Obviously, its definitely the princess and the people he loves, not forgetting, his work also do affects him greatly...
First, princess... Mmmmm... well the prince for a period of time didnt really talk to the princess... even if they talk, its not even a paragragh... but few words.... and the prince noted something... when the princess is with the other people.... she is like so close with them but what about when she is with the prince... actually quite foreign... they practically are like nothing but mere acquaintance... thats what upsets him... whats more upseting was when princess actually said that she would rather be a friend than a sis... to others this is just a small thing, but to the pessismistic prince... this is great issue... the prince didnt have much confidence that he will be together with her one day... and he thought, perhaps a sister... that will still be great.. but he is rejected... rejected not just as a stead... but also a brother... what impact that had created... well... i mean the prince is not such an unreasonable person also... he can understand somethings just cant be forced.. you have it, you have it, but if you dont.. its just too bad...its a cold hard truth of life... but at least in his heart he hope to see that princess is happy and cheerful, protected and safe... yet he also noted that the princess is very close to someone, lets name him lucius... and kor i tell u this lucius is one lucius you wun like.. he not the type you seen on big screen... the prince himself when was placed with lucius, he felt very unsecure... there is no sense of security at all... and naturally when he saw that his princess with getting into good terms with lucius.. he worries... he is very worried... yet he dont know shld he do anything about it... its like invading into the princess's private space... so he just keep an eye on them... just to make sure she is safe... quite hard time seriously... i mean you can see it, seriously.. when the princess is with one of the prince's royal family or noble friends, he has no worries, and just say go and enjoy yourself... but when she is with lucius... he will try to avoid letting them alone... seriously till now, the prince is still very repulsive towards lucius... he just cant accept him... also the prince is constantly reminded by his 'frenz' that he has no chance to bewith princess... you know, its really heartaching to know this fact... yet its tormenting to hear it repeatedly on his ears... some of the prince noble friends actually told him to look at someone else, change a target.. he thought, perhaps, he saw another noble lady... she is pretty, character wise good, academic Mmmm gd infact better than me... but so what... only at this point the prince noticed... he didnt go for all these.... he said these are the criteria... but he found that nope, its not... if its the criteria, he wld have gone for this noble lady... but he didnt...he just felt that something is not there... something very impt... and that is the type of feelings... to that noble lady, yes the prince is very nice to her.. care for her quite a lot... but at the end of the day, the prince felt no where furthur than just a brotherly love for her... nothing more... but for the princess, the prince, not just love her.. but also just got bedazzled... he just can feel that sense of 'like'... the princess to the prince, no matter what is not just a sister... its more than that... but well... like Xavier, the prince till now still waiting for that something... he too still see that something, and he is waiting for it to come... and that is hope....
What about the people he love... i mean on the first instance you know i am going to talk about prince silvest... well... i shld say till now, me and him are in good terms and getting closer... In my heart... of course i really must say... he holds a high position, in fact highest... Prince silvest to me, is really a brother, not a buddy, not a pal, but really like a blood tie brother... but of course ... i know... to him... i am still a friend... a pal... at most a buddy... yup... how do i know... well... thats hard to explain but seriously can be felt and seen...
Also brother chee chang... i was just thinking... i am truly blessed to have known 2 brothers, silvest and chang... i am even more blessed to be able to go deeper with silvest... but for chang... oh gosh... i am not even deep with him... sometimes, i am really upset by it... how i wish i can be deep with both my brother... i am not blessed with 2 brothers for nothing...i am blessed with both to love them all... yet for one, i really dont know how to go deeper with him, cept just pray for him....
Sigh... with all the things in my heart... i still carry on working, i have to, i cant just leave my things just like that... i have to go on... but over at metta... well, many things i am pissed at... and in the past i tend to just forgive and forget bout it, but this time... my heart is already filled so much things.... i dun have an outlet for it to flow out... so i flared... todae was actually worse... today i didnt flared... i have severe headache... believe it a not... i thank God that He arranged for me to sell ice... alrite some may say i am slacking, but i am not ... and for that i can face the heavens with full confidence... but its like, not trying to discriminate anything.... i am alrite with a fundraising for a buddhist organisation... but do you have to go to the extreme of majority vegetarian food... and everywhere buddhist scripture and those chanting music... i really have headache hearing them... but thank God, ice stall is away from the tents... i get to stay a distance.. otherwise wonder what is left of my brains...
on the very whole, i am recovering.. i am soon back to norm... as for bro silvest... regardless what, i just love this bro... theres no perfection... and in fact, the fact that i love... i will certainly get hurt at times... but theres nth i grudge about or is displeased bout the relationship btw me and kor, cept that i believe we can go deeper.. and i hope we would go the depth as time passes...
Remembering On|6/22/2004 06:28:00 PM|
The "Tempest-ing" ....
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Today aint really a very interesting day... wake up, went for meeting.... ended meeting went to sc room to slack... then go home.. start doing my work... oh my God... how boring can my day be... then i just remembered, actualyl for the Bintan trip, i havent paid up, but yet no one seem to notice... but anyway now i also cant pay, no money, i have spent half of it on the pens for the kids there... and the other half dont know where... but i will settle it... haha...
well.. today there are several people of miss haha... obviously my dear kor and princess, but todae also hannah and chang... i agree i havent seen them for quite sometimes... in fact i wanted to go church, but i cant, just look at this coming sunday... i am down for the metta thing... not like i want to, if given a choice... i wldnt even bother... i mean i already have 100+ hours and this metta thing just add on for nothing... oh it sux! anyway... ya then first week i am in Bintan, 2nd stuck at home.. 3rd they are at malaysia... now 4th i am at metta... oh how sad! just how sad... and for chang worse... after that short few mins wks ago i didnt get ot see him till now... i din get to even hear from him... that serious... then for kor... i didnt hear from him for the enitre day... miss him a lot... i am looking forward to this coming 23rd.... serious... cant wait...
thats all for the day for the king of camelot... oyasuminasai!
Remembering On|6/16/2004 11:35:00 PM|
Routine....
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
Mmmm morning... boring lectures... then tutorials... blessed that time flies really, then we have meetings... oh yes... finally somebody remembered there's such thing as general exco... i thought there's only the president and the 3 coms... hear the sarcasm... but finally, cca com remembered us... oh thank you cca.. then welfare says collect $10 for them.. alrite.. every com head collect $10 from your members.. then siying said that dont know who says those who paid 12 need to pay 8 only and stuff like that then pj argue back saying dont know what again, me and nurul were both very confused.. in the end i shouted at them i said just pay 10, and they still argue what this unfair that unfair... i shouted again this time i am harsh... i said, "SHUT UP! JUST PAY 10! YI HAO I WILL DEAL WITH HIM LATER! JUST SHUT UP!..." but obviously in their mind, there's no such things as treasurer... i gave up talking to them... worse still dawn adds in... i tell you i really felt like telling her to shut up too... i felt like blasting at her... when i need silence... she adds on to the noise... seriously.... i dont know what to say about her... but i try to not blast her off... sometimes i really felt that my council is really so divided... and yet some dare to say, see our seniors... see the 23rd... i think yes... look at the 23rd... we are no where better... seriously... everyone last time say.. we are a team... we are what... now... i tell you its all crap... jess can ask marcom when can the banners and publicity be up... what they say??? "design already, you go ask welfare... they printing..." what? they printing you cant help is it??? in fact i felt that marcom shld go and print your own stuff... what everything welfare... and welfare... wow our com this our com that... what now souvenirs, next banner... why dont next investiture booklet and also the walk in then internal external invitation... so free rite... so much strength to do so many things rite... and not all you know... with so many things in hand, they still want to say how much funds to collect.. and how to collect... woah.. welfare = marcom + treasury + cca + secretary + president + vice president.... i think its time we have a new cca call welfare... aint i rite ???
alrite... now, there's just so many confusion that goes on.. again and again many tried to do treasury job... that makes my job very very difficult... i mean first nobody update me anything... they will only tell me when they need cash and how they tell me.. they just say i want u to collect how much and didnt even tell me for what reason... and many on their own already set on me collecting the money... yet i was not informed at all... saddening... and worse still i have people adding on to my problem, there messing things even furthur... i couldnt take it any longer... i cant contain the fire any more... i blasted.. i flared up... yet again... its my princess...i turned sarcastic... i turned angry... what a jerk aint i??? but i explain to her, what i am going through... and i explain to her, what i truly feel... and i feel painful... i feel like crying... its my princess i am scolding...not any others... the many negative things have influenced me and i admit i am weak... i fallen for it... i bothered... by the things around council.. how invisible i am... also the inferiority in me... i hesitated, i draw back... why ??? my princess is 10/10 to me... yet am i even 9.. i think by looks of current situation... not even 4 i deserve...but blessed i am... i have a brother always here by me caring for me in his unique ways... whatever way he used... i thank God, for even the smallest thing he did counts... if not for what he has done, i may not have pull it so far.. he is truly one God blessed blessing to me... thanks Kor! thanks!
Remembering On|6/15/2004 05:02:00 PM|
What the....
Monday, June 14, 2004
Just one morning, many interesting actually happen... woke up just 10 mins before my math lecture... i rushed to school... still rather sleepy, then mathai came in... tried switching on the computer... succeeded, but.... but... haha... the projector is faulty.. Hey Hey... thats great news hahaha... i wasnt in such a mood for studies anyway haha... then he ask us to try 2 examples... those chicken feet type and yup finished... i wonder what he's going to do next... suddenly.. " alrite, i give you all a break, go have have a drink and be back by 9.15am"... the whole lecture go.... " HUH???".... are we seeing mathai or his twin brother... mathai actually call us to go for break... we were very shocked... i was a front seater and he was looking at how big was my mouth... haha... i was like still sleepy, then suddenly.."WHAT?? AM I DREAMING??? WAKE UP WAKE UP..." but its not dream its happening... wow... miracle ahhahaa... truly, there can be miracle, when you believe ahahah...
Then after lecture went for PW tutorial... we're waiting for the other arthur to approve our proposal.... the atmosphere was cold.. silent.. creepy... the kind of anxiety, the kind of ice in the air... Brrr... then arthur said.. " approved" we go, "YEAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! FINALLY!!!!" ahhaha... the ice just melted immediately hahaha...
But then it marks the end... its time to go home... bored i shld say... though i still have alot of work, but i dont feel like doing... i smsed kor, asking him is he going home and stuff.. well he reply nah, he is going for lunch with his other brothers... well... awwww, so nice... then think again.. eh... good for him, so i just reply, Mmm gd gd... seriously its good... i mean he get to go out with his brothers.... me erm... alrite friends, its either i didnt even know where are they, if not i didnt really know who i shld go out with anyway, i am not very attach or close to my friends.... talking about my sibling... some overseas... some disappeared, some going for lunch if not attached, some more anti social... which means.. i dont know where are all of them... so means alone again... sometimes i wonder do i exist in any world... but well, at least i do in dreamworld... supreme virtual... but well... got to get used to that... virtual world is numb and unrealistic, yet i guess it actually can boost me up... i mean thats the most perfect world you could ever had...
Alrite, i shld say i am not those type made to slack... serious, i must be doing something all the time... i was tired of work, and say haha today, lets rest... but i notice.. i have nothing to do for leisure... i do not have games, neither do i know what to do... surfed the net, but in just moments i am bored again... thus i just walk around, then lie on my bed, next moment... i saw the clouds, the mist... it was a good rest counting on the fact that i am sleeping late almost all nights and waking early in the morning... Hhaha... at least today i got recharge... then i went searching for some movies to watch... yeah, X men... looks interesting and i have Xmen and Xmen 2.. so i watched both... Mmm though there's not much link between the two, but well... better than nothing... so just watched... i notice... Mmmm scott summers actually is quite handsome haha and the ice man tooo... but the best is that jean grey of Xmen looks pretty yeah hahaa... and rouge in Xmen is cute too... but they changed the actors in Xmen 2.. jean no longer that pretty any more... Awwwwww.... Come on, i am still a guy, i still look at girls alrite hhahaa....
Then i go doing a little of my work.. my math tutorial that is... bored by the numbers and the lines... Yawn... then suddenly, "click!" ... my pen tip broke, and the ink just flowed out... oh my, i cant continue with my work... i have no other pen... or rather the other pens are working and drafting pens not for final work.. but, i take this signal as the end of work, time to relax, again .... Hahha... so i just went to pray, then meddle around with things and haha now here i am blogging hehe...
Well, this is something i forgot to blog about all these while.. in the classic of King Arthur, he was known as king of camelot... thats at least what the website says... i was reading up on the 6th century britain and so happen is the arthurian empire... so arthur is everywhere... but king of camelot... haha for most councillor i think you wld have caught why was i so amusing by the term king of camelot.. now now, in the 6th century, arthur's kingdom is in camelot, a part of britain... now does theword camelot sound familiar to you??? yup, camelot@JJ haha... i was very amused by it... 6th century arthur is in camelot@britain.... 21st century arthur is in camelot@jj hahaha.... what a coincidence, i think its more than just conincidence... haha...
Also i actually thought about my external family today, my brother and sisters... i mean i seldom talk about most of them... cept for silvest that is... haha, but the rest dont get jealous... its just the time spent... i mean i have friends of course, then sibling in christ, and even closer, my siblings... friends of mine usually are those hi and bye type... quite low level so i have nothing much to say either... then comes to sibling in christ, i am like having the same encounter with every single one, nothing realyl that special to talk about.. i can, but then my blog wld be so memorised... now for my siblings, actually i have alot of say but...
alrite, of course silvest without much say, is the closest to me among all my siblings, but yes, still quite a distance... but lets talk about more... well, say sis hannah... Mmmm, usually, she is either just so busy, otherwise she is with someone... and i didnt want to disturb them... they already cant be together, and i still go and disturb them, i think very bad... so i didnt.. which means end up not really spending time with her... what about sis vivien... worse... i think i didnt get to see her in months now... sis rachel yes, we meet we talk... but haha usually she is quite strict and we talk more about work... usually serious subjects... bro chean xiu, yeah... i was shocked when he said he wanted to be my brother, till now i am still... but somehow... i try but somehow, theres still something in between, i dont know what... but definitely something is in between which actualyl hinders me to go closer... Mmmm dont know, perhaps age... notice the rest are JC2... in fact for silvest cept for distance, nothing else is in between... nothing is hindering... then another one whom i love a lot too... brother chee chang, but erm... acutally i am quite hurt, and didnt really talk much... but in my heart of course i still care for him a lot... but i think to love is to be vulnerable... the 3 i love a lot, the 3 i got most hurt from... but from the 3, 2 hurts me even more i guess... yup... for chang... Mmmm he is lets be truthful quite anti social.. he is usually alone... if from a distance.. erm, he is a bit quite cold... but get to know him better, he is actually very nice... really... he has his caring and loving side, but he seldom show it... its in him, but something is keeping him back...that alone hurts me quite a bit... i mean if he is really that bad, forget it... but no, he has the love in him yet its not showing... same as silvest... its in them... but they didnt really show it... the sensitivity is not there... for silvest i think, he realised... but chang i really dont know... for silvest i am confident his sensitivity is developing... his girlfriend especially is training him... haha.. the presence alone is enough to train him... but i think the discerning of spirit is one thing we all need to learn.. we need to know when to love, when to care, when to sympathise, when to joke, when to do things... but on the whole, my prayers will always be on them... keeping them covered with protection, health, wisdom and excellence..
As for my princess.. what will be will be... somethings i agree with kor, no point being upset about, like as if it will help... might as well be happy...
Remembering On|6/14/2004 01:09:00 PM|
Moving into the new day...
Sunday, June 13, 2004
Mmmm interesting title for the day huh... haha... i think only christian will understand that title... well as the title suggest today's would be lots of recalling, personal thoughts, the mistakes... and the spiritual... well for non christian, somethings might be quite foreign, but its alrite...
Now now... the past 1 month plus has been such an eventful one.. the ups, the downs, many things happened to me, and surely i grown alot from it... But what beats the blessings that God had blessed me... Lets start with something nice before the more depressing and heavy ones...
My first entrance into JJ, my ogls, and comes a councillor... one cute guy with a yellow tie... nothing special at first... well at least i thought then... He didnt talk, but my family head just introduced him... who would expect, just months later, i get to know him... in person, not just, any mere introduction... thats when i became a shadow... orientation camp was fun... we busy, we work, we have fun... Mmm but is that alll... Mmm nope... something is going on... we got closer and closer... well thats at least for me... then just after the camp... this councillor actually became my brother... and he is none other than the angelic cat, Silvester... well... just after the camp, we're still rather strange to each other... we are always at the surface... but it all changed as i slowly moved into my new phase of my life... i am going for councillorship.. well, haha at first, its all warning, warning about why shldnt i join council... well at least till now i havent really regreted my decision so... but yes... then we started to talk more... but ever since the incident with my princess, we really got bonded closer and closer... i am sure this time both of us have moved deeper, yet without much say, i moved more deeper, he is close, yet still far... it can be seen in our conversation... of course at times, lets just be truthful, i do hope my brother could love and care for me more, but, i try my best to be contented with whatever i have... i mean he has a girlfriend, its quite normal that his attention is with her... thats really no doubt... thus, i didnt really expect him to around the clock must attend to me... but certainly there are times i really hope he could just do nothing, but just love.. especially the period of dryness which i just been through... great that he felt sympathetic for me.. great that he sympathise with me... yet, i would rather he just love me, than show me sympathy... at that time i need love and care more than sympathy, well, i think he didnt really sense that... and i think alrite, quite fine... he is naturally quite a cool guy...but he really did gave very nice and great counselling though haha... i still can remember what he said... however on the whole, he is a great brother, perhaps just some flaws here and there, but still a great blessing... i am greatly, ultra-ly, supreme-ly, blessed to have this brother... this brother whom i love so much... and till this day i still can be proud to say, i didnt love this brother in vain... i didnt love him for nothing... the greatest investment is in loving him though... and i will continue loving him, even if he starts to turn colder and colder towards me...
well, i have like princess for at least 2 months now... it was a long one, not because of the time, but the encounter... well... Mmmm... i did have many great time with her, we play, we joke, we worked together, and really have great time together... yet with all the great joys, the pain is unavoidable, i am slowly growing attach to her... but though a princess, she's not mine... though a princess, yet not of my empire, she has a boyfriend.... where then does the king of camelot stand... no where, i shld say... pathetic, but true... sad truth of life... i have to bear the kind of pain that though all the joyous experiences, there will come a day where i wld have to say goodbye... worse of all, people around me are also pressurising me... the thing about them is not that they tease me, but that the words, "cant" and "wldnt" that upsets me... always will i put a brave front... after all life is just a show... strong i look, but everytime they say "you will never be with her...", "Dawn only wants raymond... ".. i tell you.. its like taking a sword, pierce it into my heart, pull out the sword and let me bleed... serious... i am sad enough... but people are rubbing on... i do my work yet with pain, with distractions... distraction not of lust, but of thoughts of negativity... of impossibility... i am tormented... i gave up... i fall into the trap of impossible.. i anger, i grudge, i fire... i blast... even to my dear princess whom i love so dearly, i erupted... the thought of her attached really upsets me... i grudged why had you my God done this to me??? Hadnt i once been faithful and obedient, but why had You let this onto me???
The more i grudge, the more fuzzy it is... the sound of the devil... the pestering voice, the loud deafening thunder of darkness... i just shouted, where are You when i most need You??? where??? You said you are God, but are You sure??? Didnt You hear my cries... and out came one loud and Holy voice... the one i reckon the rhema from the Lord... "PRAY! I M HERE!"... that alone silenced everything... everything gone into a standstill... and next i was on my knees, as i was in pastoral prayer... and pray... i asked for forgiveness and mercy for my sin of rebellious... and once after aeons... i have a spiritual encounter with Jesus.. well, He lightened me... show me the time He was there yet i was too blinded and deafen to notice... The blessing of my dear brother.. He showed me, that silvest was by no means an accident or coincidence.. He had planned it... He had prepared it... and i weeped... how rebellious i was... God even questioned, what was the mission He gave me once... where has it gone??? i couldnt answer... He also showed me that even as i moved away from Him into the world, His blood still covers me, protecting me... and waiting for me to return to Him anytime... I m still the lamb He redeemed... AMEN! and i questioned... is there by any chance i may be with princess??? yet He kept silence... and after my prayer the first to appear in my mind is my kor, my brother... silvester... i thought of him... i missed him... i thought of the great times we had... and the security i feel in his presence... the warmth i felt in his arms, in his hug... and i just say... praise God!
Remembering On|6/13/2004 11:18:00 PM|
The book of ... Kings??? Chronicles???
Oh my Oh my... i just asked princess if i was harsh to her yesterday... and she say yes... wow cool.. i think i can say goodbye already... me actually blasted her... how 'nice' i am rite... sigh... perhaps its better.. after all, there isnt much of a bright future...
Remembering On|6/13/2004 06:45:00 PM|
Oh gosh....
12 May 2004
Mmm... Well, alrite, indeed i didnt really start of the day that well.. it was terrible, i even turned harsh at my princess... can you believe it.. hahah unbelievable but i did...
well, alrite, wake up, in a daze, next, i felt.. Mmm something i didnt do.. whats that whats that... oh yes, i am suppose to be in school.. and i shld be there at 8am but now what time, goodness 8.05 am and i am still not in school uniform... shit! i just changed, and rushed off.. seriously, i am like what the how i wish i didnt have to be there... but thinking, no matter what... Exco... alrite alrite... i will be there... reached there, been there, and met one of the elects, he/she say go council room... alrite, i go... remember i am still moody and grumpy and in a terrible state... enter, go settle orientation package... 17 shirts missing, 7 pouches missing... fine, will think of a way to settle it... suddenly i felt so useless... i have nothing to do already... all the rooms got like lots of people working in there, me one more person instead of help is like an extra.. serious, SCA room so many people... REC too... council room... perhaps marcom... touch one paper say, "song dedication", pj shouted... "oi, marcom one, dont touch"... FINE! next alrite my favourite com.. welfare... nurul say... " i am stock taking dont touch..." alrite... out of boredom, i just sat on the table... just see the sky.. see the floor.. now now... those who knows me wld know, thats like what... i am sure you know whats my feeling... if say got thing but i never help, alrite my fault, but now got lots of things, yet i dont seem to be able to help... thats the most pathetic thing... but well.. yihao came along, he said, lets carry lockers, alrite, finally something to do... helped with the carrying ... soon after all lockers are carried out... then again.... the sky the grass... finally i just go, argh, lets just say i go... like who cares... they have the president, they have that muscular and strong hunky vice president... why would they need a puny, little me.. fine, vanish!
Wah lao, like harry potter rite, vanish! then teleport...
Then gave tutoring to my juniors back at home... i think cause i wasnt feeling well, i teach, wow haha.. i am like ultra super long chain, and blabber non stop... all the theories, sequence tied up.. and gave a long fast speech... and in just 2 hours, i taught 9 chapters of chemistry haha... and even got time for revision for all 9 chapters.. super sia... kor arh, resemble you rite.. feeling bad then super ultra like that... its like madness, but i did it anyway... haha.. i think i will reinforce again next week... but then the one i am tutoring also very receptive i think thats why... haha...
Then comes lunch... lemon chicken rice... sux! haha the taste is awful... but then its either i eat or go hungry... aiya not happy, gloomy, moody also dont need to vent it on my stomach rite... so eat..
Then comes afternoon... well i was rather cold to eveyone.. then some i dont bother, some well, felt quite bad, so alrite sms them, apologise for being so cold to them... then princess pop up, online i mean... she said nvm... then she asked what happen to me, then i just say, "nah, bad morning, which is influence by the nite... kor somemore have to counsel me.... thats how bad..." then she say alrite, then i also added that the way they converse in the morning i felt like blasting them, com this com that... what council is divided into so many coms, worse still, exco is like what, no com... why other com cannot help each other arh... Gen Ex cannot help com arh... then she is like, "no, u shld be in sca rm" then i say, "all rooms are full, what you expect!" then she say, "when we find you we cant find you, dont where you disappear to... " i go, " i told chea xiu already what!"... alrite, sure she is not used to it... i was always gentle to her, but today, erm... then she say, "look like you are still in a foul mood, tc den!" i was like, "alrite... sorry sis... " guess what i got next.. "Erm, dont call me sis, i only want to be your friend..." Wah lao... 3 streaks appear on my face, and my heart starts to tear, to shatter... what now... wah so hard to be my sibling is it??? kor, is it really that hard ???
Then i was like, what the shit! finally argh.. go pray... already felt much better... there's power in praying...then cheered up a little... then thought back of what kor told me... Mmm make sense, why be bothered by such stuff.. bo chup... go do work, so keep myself busy...just dont let it influence my mood... so make myself very busy... then a stupid thought came... why am i working???? working for what??? like as if i will earn anything from it... then i was a bit like true...but then again if i dont do work, do what??? kor in ubin, then the rest all dont where... play games... where got games to play??? so work haha... cow rite...
Then towards the night, alrite, got better and better... then i smsed kor, i think he also might be quite pissed by me, i know... yesterday just talk to me about pessimistism, then today message him what, "today was horrible terrible..." i think he is quite sick of it.. and i forgot to elaborate... actually not because of princess, but because of my pictures... i click on wrong button and all my years of collection diasppeared!!! Arrhhh this is the terrible thing... years you know!!!so kor, now you know arh... wasnt trying to be negative... but i remembered, what he told me, " i chose to be happy"... yup, though its years, i also chose to be happy, so i smile and go find new pictures haha... somehow, i just like those cute posters, pictures... fantasy, sci fi and more... haha...
Well, though its a bad start, but i am glad it ended off quite well... but i cant deny, haha, yes for what princess said, i am still abit upset and hurt, but i chose to be happy as what kor did... sometimes in life, is just not up to us to choose nor us to control... there will still be hurts but really its how we want to respond to it.. and i am glad, i have a great angel by me, who counselled me, and inspired me to response the correct way... indeed God has been really wise to create such a great angel to be in my life... thats kor ! haha... thankz angel! hahaha... he's now not just a cat but also an angel... Ooo haha imagine a cat with halo hahaha... cute! hahha...
Remembering On|6/13/2004 12:20:00 AM|
It was evening and morning again... A brand new day...
Friday, June 11, 2004
Well... not exactly my whole days blog, but i will add on later tonight... but since i am at my computer, lets just say we start a little... well, the morning was a boring one... i am back to my work again... then when noon comes...WHAT THE....
My mum's indonesia's friend actually had a daughter who is coming to singapore to attend her poly education... alrite fine... in fact good... at least she is interested in pursuing her studies... but guess what.. my mum says she is COMING TO STAY IN MY HOUSE !!! alrite for other guys, they might sae good good, girl what... but you all know me, i am actually quite conservative... a girl whom i dont even know... coming to stay at my place... at least for 3 years!!!! i am sure you guys can see the repulsion in me now... moreover, she also not vey pretty... eh, haha i think there's only one in my heart whom i will say aww so pretty... its like 1 month so much things happen... good ones are that i got closer to my dear brother and also got to know princess dawn... but on the other hand... i have a piece of wood as my vice president.. then the wood is somemore in charge of discipline... what the... then its going to be an ultra broke month... now what.. invasion... if its a guy mmmm... alrite not too bad.. but a girl... hey its very awkard you know... if its dawn good... if its one of the sisters good too.. at least i know them... but now what someone i didnt even know...
Alrite forget about that... like as if it helps.. at times i really think.. if i am really the prince... how good... i get to live on my own... i can choose whom i want to live with... and i would choose to share my palace with my brother haha... give him half of my palace.. dawn also half... then where i stay haha of course in dawn's half hahaha... thats obvious isnt it... oh yes, siyi also got, kor's half hahaha...but it will only happen in the castle that in my piece of air...
Then first time i thought i think its time i go beyond cyber, so i intended to call kor... but haha of course he is busy... very busy.. with ... alrite he knows i knows... though we didnt have much of a chat but its alrite... the only thing is.. he is immersed in a game, a game which i shld say like dun requires much thinking... just sit there and see the screen... its fine to play games... i mean most guys do, unless those like me ultra busy one... but more interactive games... say i warcraft, age of empire... or what racing game.. those sort of games, i dont know much of games... not very updated with it, arh all these fine, just dont get addicted, its good to play... but sit infront of the screen watching... personally i find them not very healthy... it somehow will dull the mind... thats why i am actually quite worried when i heard kor is 'playing' this kind of game... from the way he speak while he is 'playing', he is like somewhat hypnotise... thats a bit.. dangerous i felt... i just pray that he will be healthy no matter what... i am more concern about him being safe and healthy growing... and also growing towards excellence... drawing out all his true potential... Mmmm but on the other hand... just dont be like me... work like a cow... sometimes also dont know working for what... but still work on...
Remembering On|6/11/2004 01:09:00 PM|
Sigh...
Ho Ho Ho... not merry christmas, but this is going to be long... 2 eventful day.. and i am like blogging at what time ??? oh gosh, almost 1 am... i am not kidding, but i feared if i blog tomorrow i might forget some of the great memories...
alright lets start from yesterday... in fact right now i have forgotten abit already.. but well... alrite.. yesterday was fun... me went for i think meeting, or something like that.. then when everything is over, of course its home time... dawn and yi hao went off together, i thought they going home, but no... haha i met them when i was on my way home... they were at a hawker centre nearby... i juz walk over just to say harlow! then dawn suddenly said, want to join us??? haha i am know what kor is going to say next... then of coz people offered... such a good deal, alrite... after all i also want it yeah... wink... then the three of us really had a great lunch, chatting and eating, and joking... then now its really home time... we went back, and i got the whole video to do... then while iwas editing, ahha i was chatting with dawn as she so happen to be online, then i sort of trash things out with her and became quite thick skin... you know very unusual of me... haha... like as if right... haha... but yeah we had a great chat, got to know each other better, in fact i felt that though there aint much possibility that i can be her stead but... but... there's a great possibility of a great friendship, serious... but well ,that will see how i respond in this period of time...
Nightfall, there's soemthing i am very touched about... well, kor actually told me he will be online, but it was very late, like i think was 12 ++, then i thought Mmm perhaps he's tired and went to bed, course haha he is indeed very bz, not with work but i dont know wat... and he usually sleep quite early... but no... almost 1, a window pop up, "here i come, arthur" ... i was like wow.. he's not asleep, came online just to talk to me.. i was so touched, but was quite a bad time to talk, my eyes were like closing anytime... i have been bz with the video for the whole aftnn and was rather tired... brain cells dying out... haha... but still i managed to share with him about my encounter with my dear princess... at least in my heart she is... but kor was a little high... haha 'hysterical'... what a word to use here, but yes... hha but its alright, i mean his intention is very right.. he didnt want me to pin to high a hope just to find myself falling in the end, and get downright, fathomlessly hurt... very nice of him, especially during time when he is high, yet he still can use his own methods to care, very very sweet of him... haha.. though i think he talk abit faster than me... course actually i wanted to say that dawn is more like a sister to me now... but haha, i didnt make it to say it course his post appeared faster than mine,but i did tell him anyway...
haha then for today, well, at the meeting... Mmmmm alright, not too bad, just that suddenly i have a longing to be in a committee... haha, well general exco is nice as in well, we see the overview... we are so call the top, the frontline... but i felt we are a bit quite detach... i can hear the speaker go, well this com this, that com that... ok diff colour for diff com... then erm, exco??? we are not coms, then what??? no colour???haha but well... at times i guess its like that, they tend to be a bit carried away... then at night, well ya, that bbq, its terrible as in, the distance,the price... its all the way at kovan... and worse still $10... me and wende was joking that," lets call dawn and yihao, lets go marina south, cheaper, nearer... ahhaha... but we end up there anyway...then many a times, i am teased... simon kept asking me why am i so quiet so recently.. am i??? i think kor, you will disagree, i am actually very noisy haha... just that somethings not that open to be said... but well... me and dawn we know whats going on... though they never specifically say who... but we just quietly eat our lamb chops... oh yes the lamb chop was tough... haha... my teeth almost broke eating it...
Then when we are going home... of course the arthur is back... i mean i said what.. king arthur is revived... i sms-ed her to sms me the moment she reached home... well.. when i am on the cab... i was waiting for her sms, i was like oh is she home yet, is she is she.. haha... till she say "i am home", then go sigh of relief... phew! haha naz and pj was on the same cab as me... they were saying that i sounded like a zombie when i was talking to them... haha yes, course my full attention was on the phone.. waiting for the one msg.. but i admit i sort of forgotten the rest, but i made up, but checking when i reached home...
On the cab... well, i overheard pj saying that kor is going to hold a bbq at his place... mmm i was like huh??? how come i dont know one... then i go Mmmmm either they never tell me... or kor never tell me... or kor never tell them either... but they knows... so i go mmmmmm..... haha... answer is obvious.. guess kor thought they would inform me... but Mmmmmm....
Lets go for something more positive.. ahha finally, i heard the beautiful voice of my dear kor haha.. havent heard it in ages...i really mean ages... i had a lot of 'silent'chat with him... haha.. but well... i finally get to hear his voice... to me thats cool... you all will understand when you miss someone, and every time you meet him... hardly do you hear him speak.. you only see him... yup... i am looking forward to the bbq at his place.. haha... but i think his gf will also be around, thus of course i know what i shld not do... i wun go hugging him that is... but somehow... he is able to give me the sense of security i think... haha sound like girl rite... but well, lets be truthful, even guys would want security... whats the big deal with hugging him... in his hug, i do feel the warmth.. i really feel like i am with my family... he is really like my big brother... then in the arms of a big brother.. i felt very cosy and protected... can just cast aside all thats in my mind... i dont hug anybody one... it takes great closeness before i will hug someone... and by the fact that i actually took the initiative to hug him.. that shows to me... how close is he... very close... though i have many encounters with my princess... but in every encounter the first person i will think of is kor... whenever i am happy, i just felt like sharing with him... whenever i am down... the first one i seek is also him... seriously this is queer for a christian, course the first one i seek shld be God... but yet it isnt, its my kor, its a man... but well... sometimes i agree i can get very rebellious...
oh man... its 2 am now... haha time to end off...
before i end off... kor i really love you a lot hehe... but princess... i also love you, so dont jealous haha... my friends... you all too... If God can bring such a great brother to me... i am sure He can bring one to you all too.... AMEN!
Remembering On|6/11/2004 12:52:00 AM|
What a long recount....
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
Hahahah... my brother hahaha... whenever, wherever you want to disturb, carry on... anyway all the things in there you also know already, in fact you know more than that ahah...
Hahaha... but i dont understand, Dawn of the dead ??? haha why dead ??? she is life and kicking... haha... Blurred by what we are talking ??? read on...
Well, Mmmm last night after the great chat with, yes Dawn, i didnt have my sleep yet, i was given a challenge... so i didnt get to blog, but nevermind, i will blog today then...
Mmmm yesterday was an interesting one... i was stun thrice in a day... haha...
First stun: Well, as per norm, just sms-ing Dawn, we talk aboout something haha, i cant say what here now... but kor if you want haha we talk more at some other place Hehe... but of course, must know this king here is one lazy king, or rather his hands are precious thus must take care... hahaha... so i just say, y not we talk on phone or whatever other means... and i thought she would say, then nevermind... but hahha no, she say alright ahhaa... i was like wow hahah different response from what i expected...
Second stun: someone actually called me, just to offer me a job, of course that somebody is someone i know... of course at this point in time, i just said, nah... schedule too tight.. haha but i am really shocked... cause my dad always say no one will employ me... i can only work in schools, but no hahaha... its out of school haha...
Third stun: hey, my sister in law actually, told kor that he did not talk enough to me... thanks sis hahaha... and she is very right haha but erm... how did she know.. aha i wonder...Hmmm...
alright... now for the more juicy bit...
Mmmm, true, Kor did not really talk to me often, even if we do, its either chatrm or sms, we seldom walk out of cyber world... sometimes i really do think that i exist no where but in the world of cables and currents... but i mean, i dont blame him at all... in fact, in a way, i allow him too... first we are both very busy, thats perhaps why i always wanted solid time whenever i get to talk to him, because that the only time we can really bond... next he got a girlfriend, and she is good, hahaha.. like i said about, she is so sweet hahaa.. and i seriously wont want to because of my own selfishness, cause kor to lose such a nice girl, to maintain the relationship, he indeed needs to, talk more bond with her more.. at least for this beginning stage...they are not even a year yet, right kor ??? so i think its still a little shaky... yup, thus i always, alright... carry on... ahha me just continue with my single life, who call me want to be single in the first place right haha... but i simply cant find a good one yet.. rather, found but unavailable... yup, but i am really glad, my dear brother, do make an effort to talk to me, once he realise, how shadowed i was... ahah i really appreciate that, thank God! hahaha...
then Mmmm... about the chat with Dawn.. actually, kor, if you want to disturb, i dont mind, we are talking about work anyway... and after all in the end we would most likely chat about it, even if you are not in the conversation.. haha, how interesting can you expect it to be... she has a boyfriend... but anyway.. hehe ahah someone jealous sia... hahaha... alrite, i shant say who... you know i know... hahaha... but dont be, not worth it... haha... but at least now you know how i feel haha... i hope... now you experienced it for yourself... but i rarely got a chance to talk to her.. you get to talk to yours everyday... so just one night you know hahahaha.... but we spoke abit about you too kor... what??? haha.. talk about it some other time...
then i am back at my computer... saw that msg kor posted... hahaha... but then comes rachel, well she posted me a challenge that is not to follow the crowd, and treat the new vp in a diferent way... treat him with love... Mmmm... i hope... but even the thought of him... Mmmm invoke a great sense of insecurity... not something very pleasant to talk about here.. and too open i guess... but definitely, i will in the eye of others be good.. after i am not given a rank of general exco for nothing... i am now at the frontline, have to protect the council... guess God is trying to train my tolerance, and learn to live in times of war... and still be victorious... but i also touched on something haha... the gist of it was that, kor was a bugger, me i am a hugger hahaha...
alright... for more... i think i will be blogging again tonight.. if theres interesting things going on, and i am sure there will be...
Remembering On|6/09/2004 09:29:00 AM|
Mmmm stunning day...
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Just want to drop by and disturb. Look like it's working out between the Dawn of the Dead and YOU. Haha... good luck!
Remembering On|6/08/2004 11:11:00 PM|
Haha
Mmmm today i am in a much better mood today, thats why i am blogging again.. otherwise you will see another depressing blog... which can be rather disturbing actually... i can see the hands raising up...
Well, for the past few days... i think those who are with me, you can see, can feel and know that actually i was in a horrible and terrible state... well... the dark clouds are slowly moving away now... i, till now, still do not exactly know the root of this problem... but definitely i know the factors for this period of dryness... i would be frank... i havent been clinging to God very tightly, in fact, i am so much caught up by work, disappointments, worries, especially fears... that yes He is there, but i am just too blind and deafen to see or hear Him...
since last friday.. well, my dear princess went for her ODAC camp... yeah from she first start camp, my heart it flew over with her... pondering how she's doing, i was worried... well, the walls are dangerous, the activities are dangerous... i really dont want my princess to get hurt... of course during my time of worries... i also did considered that at the end i might not be the only one worrying, i suppose her boyfriend will too... its really pathetic to know that, thats the princess you love, yet she's not yours but of another... but at times, its life... i have grown to accept it... seeing her smiles, her joy, she's safe and protected... well, at least for now, thats really sufficient... i dont dare to say theres a future, cause i really, dont know if there is... but yesterday she has break camp... Hey hey... hahaha and today, i saw her again... with the smiles and joy... hahaha... nice... serious... yesterday morning, the very first message which brighten my day was.. "ya, just break camp..." wow just that my heart lighten... my heart settle down.. and i started concentrating on my work again... oh yes, also, forthe past few days, my work performance have been downright..MMmmmmmmm.. but glad the message came before amanda hahaha.. otherwise i think the west 6 movie will never been done... who knows i might wreck my computer out of frustration... Hahaha but at least by now, the movie is at least 1/3 done.. i aim to finish by tomorrow.. aiming... at least got an aim...
Mmmmm the other really great thing is, not investiture yet, i have a great chat with dear kor tonight, well haha, it ended up quite short as first, he was tired, next i was a little busy, then i also forgot quite a bit on what i wanted to talk to him... haha but at least i got the the important things which i want to find out from him... yup... at least i have a clearer picture of what things really were, haha, that ends my worries i guess... at times, i think i am really over sensitive, oh God, moderate me... ahha a while over work, became workaholic, than oversensitive, turning towards depression... alright i seriously dont know what i am doing... but i am sure glad that i am still of a sound mind...
From that great chat, i now know, where i stand and i know whats the level of my relationship with kor... mmmm very pleasing to hear it, its very positive... which means that i worried for nothing haha.. though its not very obvious, but its there... i am too sight oriented person, dont see it, dont believe it... no wonder i am a science student... and its really nice to hear that, its not just one sided, but mutually we are able to share with one another without restriction, that is great, especially if we want to go deeper, and kor, i am sure u know i want... i am putting all my heart and soul into building this 'brothership'... when i really want to love, i put in my all just to love, just to care... how many all do i have, many many all... thus who says when i love my brother i cant love my princess... at least i can...
Mmm investiture meetin was also fun but also shocking... obviously... it started with welfare to cca to marcom... well haha, at first when i didnt got welfare chariperson, i was like Mmmm expected.. and i was expecting dawn to get it.. but no its PJ ... i was like HUHUHUHUHUH .... but its still alright... i felt she still do have the calibre... and anyway my princess got vice chairperson, so it still sort of balanced... siying, poor girl, marcom chairperson, mr gomezzzz.... he is reallt suitable for addam's family.. but Siying, you can make it, serious, working with you have been real great and you really can make it... alright, talk so much like as if she will get to see my blog...then cca chair YI HAO... thats another HUHUHUHUHUHUHUH... not that he is no good, in fact he is so good, we were expecting him to have higher position, rather than that piece of wood... sorry, but seriously, i am happy with every ranks except one... i am happy for all the rest and they really deserve it, yes, perhaps i may or may not really like them, but i still willing to give them full respect, because they have earn it... but that wood.... instead of respect... he invoked only suspicions... he as a vice president.. Mmmm i seriously want to see how is he going to earn our respect, now that actually he din have any... everyone just keeping to our promise of working together despite all differences... some of us, we really work together and really, we bond well... but for some... sigh... hopeless... but anyway... for what i have promise.. i will keep it, but seriously, my trust is one thing that is very very very hard to earn its either you have or you dont have... anyway... lets see how he work... i shant comment more on that...
I am really glad everything move on well, i pray that tomorrow even in every single day, my life will start improving, and more efficent and better... hopefully the desires of my heart will be blessed...
Anyway, i am very very very very tired... Oyasuminasai!!!
Remembering On|6/08/2004 12:28:00 AM|
Hmmm, the Sun is rising again...
Saturday, June 05, 2004
Seriously, everyone, must pray for me... if this workaholic attitude of mine carry on... thats it for me... Gone case i tell you...
Today i spent most of my time with Mr Ng, somewhere in singapore... and most of the time he will tell, "man Arthur time to get out of work"... and i think i really should...
I had great time chatting with kor till.... well, we were happily talking about sensitivity and princesses... then my dad actually gave the green light, that i can have movie marathon sort of thing at my house... of course this excited silly boy will first thing find his dear bro... and well, alright he doesnt really like the idea, but he like the idea of beaching and cycling... and even BBQing.. the first thing, the first thought i have was, oh gosh, troublesome, why??? because it reminded me of the camps... and i am quite tired of it actually... then he sort of tell me off... telling me to separate council work from social life...
yes, though it sound a bit harsh, but still thanks kor! it sort of awaken me... truly... i have been working all my life... till now... its been at least a decade, no kidding... ever since i enter school, i am busy working... a workaholic till now... either with school work or with CCA and many more... as kor just tell me those words, it really, awakened me and made me reflect... is this the life i want??? why have i in the first place became such a loner??? yes people do find me, but most of the time, it is always work related... is this what i wanted??? while others are having their childhood time, what am i doing??? WORK!!! i really wonder, is it worth it??? counting all the cards... theres only one thing which is very worthy, that is that at least having such loner life, suddenly comes a brother and a girl i like and is serious about... i learn to treasure them a lot, i learnt what is precious... and they became ultra important to me... in fact i found myself very attached to them... i fear i might lose them... i became very very cautious of my every move... i worry i might offend them... i started to live off a life of worries, why??? i didnt have much close contact with people... i totally am strange towards it... i am just doing my best.. trying all i can... just to build a friendship, one which even at my last breathe i can say, "it has yet to finish..."
In this time of maturity... i am opening myself... China is one big awakening dragon.. so am I the King of Camelot... after years of slumber... i am reviving, i am waking... but to found that the world had moved so far ahead, i have difficulty catching up... i lost the power... the power to build close relationship... Yes valor,justice, modesty, loyalty to superiors, courtesy to equals, compassion to weakness, and devotedness to the Church... so what... i am still caught in the fathomless pit of fear...
Indeed, kor has been so nice, to say his preference, but what have i done... Its really time, i be awaken, its time, the empire has to move on.. this era is no longer the same... Guinevere is gone... its time to move on... But... how??? God, tell me... how??? An Empire fell centuries ago due to adultery, now, a whole new empire falling due to fear and low self esteem... Does all Arthurian empire have to fall??? Does history really need to repeat itself??? Wasnt the 6th century Arthur a great man, serving and devoted to his country and his church??? But he fall, because of his own family... Now, does the 21st century Arthur also has to fall due to his own family... the fear of losing his family ??? Didnt both Arthur truly love???
To love indeed is to be vulnerable, and i am not just vulnerable, i far more than brittle, than fragile... i am breaking... I really am... I am tired... indeed i am... my dear bro... it is true... i am tired... i told you once... so am i now... but i dont know how to walk out of this endless trap...
Seeing my royal brother, Silvest with his princess, i am yes at times envious, but never jealous... nevertheless, i would feel, if i can be as they are how nice... they are a sweet couple... very cute and fun pair... will i get a day??? will the light shine on me??? will i even get the moonlight??? the reflected light??? or always will i be in darkness... my royal brother... my princess... of whom i miss the most, i love the most... yet also whom i got most hurts from...
Kor, i am sorry... would forgive this silly brother of yours this day??? and also to bring him out of the trap??? would you build the empire with me??? let not the history repeat itself... lets build it... just you and me, your princess and mine... let us four build the empire, the strongest throughout all ages...
Remembering On|6/05/2004 11:37:00 PM|
Wahhhhh........
Friday, June 04, 2004
Alright for the day's account... another day, nothing really extraordinary, having to wake up feeling bad... moody and sucky... then went for that stupid racial harmony thing at CCAB, where first thing i entered the hall, was to wait and wait and wait... i sitted there waited for almost 1 1/2 hrs before there were something to do... i am in charge of one game station, but the game is so simple, i wonder, why do we need so many trial runs... But thank God, dear Dawn was there to message me, it took me off that gloom for a moment... then the thought that i am returning to college, brighten me... from then i kept smiling... smiling with a mixed heart(of guilt and worries)... college... which means i might get to see Dawn... but to my dismay... nah... not even a reflection... as per norm, disappointed, heavy heart, worry and guilt... heavy laden i tell you... i just wasnt in the mood to do anything... like as if i am the past few days... then reached home, do project work... i know if i dont do now, i will never do... so i forced myself to do... though not very fruitful, at least i did a little... but at least the day ended of quite good...
well, today, once again, once in a blue moon... i got to really solid talk with kor... i just be truthful... tell him how bad i felt after saying that he is a bit chauvinist... i mean if you are a guy, you certainly will not want to be called chauvinist...
then awww.. he is so sweet haha... chat with me... and said so many nice things... in fact today, he used proper english.. and its sounded so good... profund yet comprehensible, thats wat i can describe... and Ooooo i just check the chat log... kor actually, ask me hows my morning haha... alright its up there... i wasnt even at home hahaha... and yet i am online weird...but anyway back to topic... hahaha kor actually said this, "furthermore, i hold no grudge on you...you silly boy... forgiving oneself is the first step of learning..." its very sweet of him really... the moment i read this, i was like Awwwwww.... true true... its really great to know that me and kor has gone beyond the surface talk of months back... really its great...
I also get to chat with serene, one of my secondary school classmate.. also once a church mate, now a heaven mate... then i was sharing how blessed my life was... and indeed, blessed am i with 2 precious.... KoR and the Morning Light... they are indeed my precious... though yes... actually kor still address me quite formally but well haha... on my side, kor just comes very naturally... i get to know him better today.. having to know the music type that he like and the type of shirt... Importantly... he is a great ice cream lover... but seriously, whenever i have to share about someone of upmost importance to me... Mmmmmmmm its definitely kor or dawn... its like this time.. i am getting more and more serious no longer just play play... i am trying my best, putting all i can to build these relationships, and bring it higher... but of course somethings in life just not controllable by us... but we can try to push to the limit and even beyond...
now i am very tired... tomorrow she is breaking camp... yes... Finally ahahha... tomorrow is going to be a gd day... Praise God!
Remembering On|6/04/2004 11:34:00 PM|
Blessed aint I ...
Thursday, June 03, 2004
First time ever, i am going to be vulgar here...
WAH LAO!!!WHAT KIND OF BROTHER AM I MAN!!! DAMN GUILTY NOW!!!
First, i was chatting with mr yihao about yes, our princesses, then we were talking about my dear brother's, of course i sang praises after praises about her... yihao asked, "so hows silvest???" guess what, me this greatest fool ever said, "oh he is very good with words, and very caring towards his princess... however, being an only child, he is a little bit, just a bit chauvinist, just in small little areas..." What the heck am i talking??? how could i even speak negative about my own brother...
Alright thats one, next... i said only child, when i read his blogger, i was like," Oh ShiT!", HE HAS AN ELDER SISTER!!!! Now i am super duper ultra guilty... what the **** am i doing man??? I didnt even know that my dear brother has an elder sister... serious... its time i give myself 2 tight slap on the face, and wake up man!!!
Alright again, thats not all... now this afternoon, yes, ever since she goes for her odac camp, i was listless, and just wasnt in the mood for anything... why?? read on... then we went to salvation army to pick toy for funfair... as we were picking, i was still in that daze mode...
Now for why i am in daze... on our way back... chean xiu, pop up, then started saying, "Dawn! ..." i tell you, the rest is not important cause i also never really listen, the first word is enough to blast me off... i was downright worried sick, for my dear princess... she is having what camp??? ODAC!!!!!! all the rock wall climbing, all the risky activities... I tell you, especially for rock wall... i am also a climber.. i know the risk... though yes there will be people to ensure her safety.. but i can tell you, i am still worried sick... in order to come down the wall after the climb, you have to fall... either by abseilling, or by literately fall... and let the rope let you down... i tell you.. abseiling is not as dangerous, just that my dear princess's hand might get cut... but falling, if i am there and see her fall... my heart will fly out will her man!!! might even jump out!!! oh ya chean xiu and yi hao... they said, "dawn not here only so moody"... i know they are just kidding, but i cant contain it anymore.. i blurt out, " enough, its because she's not here, i am worried sick..." i tell you, actually i wanted to watch harry potter, well i like it a lot... so??? weirdly i dont have the mood to watch at all... i might end up watching next week after all, i might not enjoy the show now... serious...
Oh gosh... what a day, what a day!!! Started with worry ended with worries and guilt... now, i really m very guilty, dont know how to face my dear bro really, such small things like his family members, i didnt even know... and fancy me using words like 'chauvinist'... i really dont know what is going on with me man... and till now i am still very worried, serious... though she should be having her lights out very soon... oh gosh... seriously, so far in my entire life only 2 people have created such a great impact, such great worries and made me miss them so much... thats none other than my kor silvest and my princess dawn...
Now there's something really bad bad... Where's my bible???? its missing!!!!
Oh my!!! Oh my!!! God... Be with them... bless them and protect them... right now as my princess is still in camp, let Your hand hold her and protect her... and bring Your Word back to me... AMEN!!!
Remembering On|6/03/2004 10:33:00 PM|
The Day with the Greatest Guilt...
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
Wow so fast, its another week… this week has been quite an eventful one, I wasn’t at home though, I was in college and after which Bintan… Many things have happened, I experienced new things, seen many new sights, and even my princess is revealed…
28th May, this is the day Cluster West 6 LINE camp first started, after weeks of preparations… seeing the secondary students, it reminded me of my Commonwealth… the times I had there and all the great things I learnt and experienced… well, we were rather anxious when the camp first started… we wonder who we would be meeting and as we didn’t really prepared the whole camp that well, thus on the morning we are still a little rather fidgety…
For me, well, for the whole camp I didn’t get to really be with my admin committee… I didn’t really get to bond with them, I was pulled out to do the certificates of participation… everything seems to be rather solo for me… rather solo for me and Jason… I really must thank Jason a lot for helping me out in the certificates, as I wasn’t very familiar with using a laptop, but he helped me out by doing all the necessary typing, while I just got to piece everything together… the making of the certificates were rather rushing, we just practically speed up everything, and we have made some mistakes here and there and I eventually had to vet through all the certificates in the staffroom and send for printing… printing was a big crap… I have to print fast but that stupid printer just refuse to cooperate… it just moan away without anything being printed… stupidest printer I ever met… plus handsome by the side asking, ” Are you done? Finished?” … Wow stress I tell you…
At times I am rather free having breaks, I just rot around or just help around… on the first night I was rotting on the sofa, gazing at the door, first Nurul came in with a tired expression on her face, then comes Siying, looking haggard and shag… Amanda too, she was the one filming, but she too was tired… Oh Dawn too, she is more of an out going type but she had to be cooped up in the council room, doing attendance, poor girl… looking at them I felt heartache…but what can I do??? Practically nothing, cant really help them… sometimes I just felt so useless…
The camp was a rather successful one… the campers and even our facilitators cried when we break camp and ready to be dismissed… the type of bond which they built in just that short 3days 2 nights were tremendous… thinking that me, being M.I.A. most of the time, no one will know me, but I was shocked when several secondary students actually ran up to me and said, “ Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for the certificate, I like it, its very nice!” … just that few words, awww I was very touched…
For the entire camp I really got to say to my dear brother, “ Kor thanks for popping by the council room, it really helped me a lot… you pop in and we started crapping, it helped me de stress… you’ve lighten my job greatly…” but Rachel and Bao yue too… you two have been a great leader for the camp… we are all together a team… you two play a big part too….
The moment we break camp the very first thing we did is to rush off and prepare all the logistic needed for our council camp and in short 1 hour, we prepared everything, including our bags and we rushed off for Bintan… everything was pressing for time, we hop on to the bus and have a long ride to tanah merah jetty to catch our ferry to Bintan… on the ship most of us were asleep counting on the fact that we didn’t really sleep the past few nights… when we reached the jetty in Bintan, we took another ride all the way to Camp Able, our campsite, this trip was fast… we reached Camp Able, placed everything down and started pitching our tents… after which, we took the bus again and travel all the way beyond the barbed wires to Sri Bintan (the school we are painting)… the ride to the school took about 45 minutes… Notice, we are travelling most of the time, sometimes a small country like singapore is a good thing… at least we wont be bored by the long travel…
Sri Bintan was rather interesting to go to… It’s a direct contrast from our JJ… if we think that JJ is one abandon building, wow then Sri Bintan is one collapsing danger bulding… serious! Especially the toilet, once you open the door, Woah haahahaha the ‘fragrance’… in JJ we even have taps, but back there, we have to draw water from the well… at first Adeline didn’t really know how to draw water from the well, but with several practice, she became an expert… Hhahahah with just a few pulls she managed to draw up buckets after buckets of water… interesting… and the insects there ahhhahaha… I think we in JJ is already very good life, yes there are many blood suckers, but if you seen those in Sri Bintan, you would say that thank God, JJ only have blood stinger… the mosquitoes in Sri Bintan moves in colonies… I accidentally drop a stick into a covered drain, next moment, a whole crowd of mosquitoes rushed out, and obviously I took a few steps back… rather I took flight… I want to return to Singapore with blood… Singapore ants with compared to theirs, woah, Singapore ants are minute little creatures, the ants there are tremendously huge, gigantic… never had I seen another bigger than that…
About our days at our campsite… well we have a deer sanctuary there with the resorts pond beside our piece of grassland… Apple was very creative… he named the two deers which are in the santuary as lunch and dinner, and he even name the fishes in the pond fish and chips, some added that the ducks by the pond are duck rice and the squirrels supper… Hahha some better still… trying to be healthy, they name the forest salad… though to some these are crap but over there with nothing but grass, no doubt we are… we had quite a lot of free time which we used to have interaction like dancing and chit chating…
All that are just recalling now for something more juicy… more emotional and interesting… and more of me, the true me…
Well, it is also this camp which revealed who my princess is… not disclosed by me, but by the elects… they discovered it, and well, it became quite an issue… some just go, “What!!!! Dawn you are so downright unfortunately!!!” … but there are some like Apple, Yi hao and gang, they actually put in good words for me, spoke well of me… I am very touched by it… seriously, from this I can see who truly are my friends and who are just friends by mouth… well, I am prepared that this will be discovered one day, just that I didn’t expect it to be so early, but then again its alright, I think its better, at least now, I don’t need to go hiding it… although she knows it, but well, it not like I will go courting her, she has a boyfriend, who is physically, so much better than me, taller, bigger… oh I think I am so small compared to him… sigh somethings in life just cant be forced, we have to learn to accept it…
Throughout the camp, oh there’s one person I miss a lot, that is my dear kor, Silvest… the moment I touch ground, I cant wait to find him, I just cant wait to see him… I don’t know how much I matter to him, seriously, till now, I cant gauge where do I stand… but its alright, at least I know to me… He is like my real brother… one who is very close and dear to me… what a pity I am not his blood tie brother huh… anyway… so far he is the only one who made it to be so close to me… I am totally transparent to him… I don’t hide anything from him… I love this brother a lot a lot … its like with him, I felt that my family member is with me… and when one is with his family, there is a sense of security…. I cant exactly explain this… its like some sort of instinct I guess, you naturally feel safer when u are with your family… same case here, whenever with him I just felt that sense of security… but of course when you love someone, you would want to be with that person, I am not talking bout marriage here, but just being in the presence… but one should not be possessive… thus of course sometimes, I do feel like wanting to go watch movie or go out say play or enjoy quality time with him… but well, I know he has a girlfriend, thus I felt he should go with his girlfriend… his girlfriend is one great woman… the way she walk, the way she carry herself, very gracious, gorgeous and from one look, really have that charisma of high status and authority… she is one girl many guys would not want to miss… thus in fact I try my best to help him be the as best as possible boyfriend… it would be such a waste to let such a nice girl go… such opportunity are hard to come by, and I want the very best for my this dear brother… On the whole, amazing how God moves… just when I thought nobody cares, nobody loves, He showed me this cat, who now became a major and great part of my heart… yeah, of course not forgetting my princess too…
Remembering On|6/02/2004 06:25:00 PM|
Its been another week…
Friday, May 28, 2004
Mmmmmm, wanted to continue yesterday's mail, but I can't seem to be able to continue it smoothly, so I guess, as well just carry on with typing another day...
Mmmmm, today was quite a touchy day... Hahaha, I doubt anyone knows, cause I didn't tell anyone, nor did I express it on my face... Somehow today was quite an emotional day for me...
Well, as I had said yesterday, I have my midyrs today morning, well... Hmmm I can't say its very hard, but its definitely much more challenging than it is in O levels... But definitely, having 2 essays in one day is quite disastrous... Counting the number of neurons died in just that mere faithful 3 hours... No wonder, my mood would change... In my general paper, looking at the 12 question... Sigh, as I scan through the questions, I just kept crossing out the question... Finally, finally, I found one question which I felt I can do, "The world has becomes a better place because of science. Comment."... Well, at least there are some positivity on the first impression... I end up having no other alternatives anyway...I wrote about how science has develop in the defense industry and how it made our world better, then counter it with how then it have develop in the offense industry, and how science started invoking anxiety, due to the constant risk of war... I even went to put stupid comments such as, "If anxiety is the definition for better, I would agree that science did made our world a better one... Don't ask me why I wrote that, cause I just felt like writing that, so I just pen it down... Whets an original essay without my own very personal thoughts and feeling... Though I may sound sarcastic in the essay, but I guess its alright.. Its style alright, style!!! Alright I am rather whine today, bear with me... Then come next biology... Wow the moment many of us open the paper, we were caught, we were stun... What??? How it react, commoner on the surface of the water... What is going on... But we still carry on doing it, not like we have a choice... With my long winded nature, the number of lines on the paper, just isn't enough for me to write... Every question I practically wrote with extension... I wrote so much that I am left with only 30 mink for essay question of 20m, 20/70, that's a lot... I chose the question on microscopy, though I don't like that chapter, but I guess in a war like this, its not time for preference... I managed to throw 1001 points, but if they are not bull's eye, then its just too bad...
Even after all my midyrs, many of my friends were discussing, where to go next, where to have fun... But me, I am too foul to join in their discussion... And as per norm... I dig into my piles of work again... However in such bad times, I really would appreciate silence... But here comes an instruction, there comes a complaint, next, theres something yet to do... And worse still... 'rugby, put your heart and soul in and cheer loudly'... Oh what a day to cheer... Even when they say that, I am still doing paperwork, preparing things here and there, and having to hear also all the disruptive noises of the supporters... Its really not a good day for noise... I gave an excuse and went to the general office to print some stuff... Oh its great... Peace at last... But the fact is, I will still need to face all the buzzing... So I thought... Forget it... Lets face it... I went out... First to caught my eye... KOR! My Brother! i just flew over... The next moment, my hands on one of his shoulders... I almost just took him as my support and lean onto him, just hug him from behind... Yeah sound a little gays right?? But nevermind its a well known fact that he and me like girls, not guys... But seriously, when you are close to someone, is hugging something really that rare... Does it has to be bgr or bbr kind of thing??? In fact, physical touch like hugging is a form of love language for all who don't know, its something universal... But well he was talking to a bunch of girls then, and I felt that... Mmmmm not too wise, so i just walked away... But I just told him... I'm tired, I really am... Seriously yes I am really tired, but always my face will not show... I will put on a strong bold front to all... But to him whom I love so dearly, there is not such thing as brave front, I am just purely transparent... Whatever about me, he will know... Nothing to hide... Whets the point of putting a front in front of URI own brother??? Ridiculous! Anyway... Why then you can see here... Mmm not everyone knows I got a blog... And neither do I want everyone to know.. Only for those whom I felt close or closer to will get to see it... But now its only in words and , ultimately I think only that cat would really see my true expression... The expression of the mouse... Even on the bus, unless something important, otherwise I just kept quiet, either move around like floating illusion of the eye or just sit somewhere by myself, quieting down... It help very much... I suddenly felt this great intensity... How I hope kor would be with me, by my side now... But I also suddenly saw him and his dear 11 taking their stroll on the cloud concretes of my castle... They are enjoying themselves, smiling, getting closer, hahaha... I just smiled... Surely, he has the full entry to my castle... I mean if I am the king, that would make him the prince, wouldn't it??? But well, that smile also reminded me of my princess... Very much I wish to be with her... One day perhaps my queen... But well I think right now... Having to be her as a good friend, her close friend, I am very blessed and contented already... Something just can't be forced... Sometimes perhaps friendship is so much better, I don't know, I never been in any relationship before... What meant to be will be, may God bless me...
Alright time for 'pig-mentation' again... hahaha I wouldn't be able to update until I am back from the week long of camp... Hope to bring back some good news, and even nice encounters... Till then, adieus!!!
Remembering On|6/02/2004 08:43:00 AM|
A touchy day...
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